"Dumb. Dumb sound."



-- John Sterling, radio voice of the New York Yankees, explaining the annoyance of the blasting sound through the loud speakers in Tampa Bay at Tropicana Field where the Devil Rays play.

"They're placing their bets on quality coverage."



-- Overheard at an NBC conference about where the network is headed. Corporate speak at its best.

"I bet it's because of the internet. The internet, these days, is so fast. I bet they dropped some DSL's on your ACL"



-- Alex's explanation as to why my ACL recovery has been fast.

"A girlfriend is like having nineteen dollars in the bank account, you can't get it out, or something"



-- Alex, in Hong Kong, at 2am, walking in the rain, after a night of free drinks, trying to clearly explain a common quote by his buddy Luke.

TV News: "The remains of an ancient woman, one of the most powerful in her day, were discovered..."

My mom: "Oooh, Cleopatra."

Me: "Really?"

My mom: "I don't know...Queen Latifah."

[walks out of room]



-- My mom's brief and uninformative conversation with me regarding the recently discovered bones of Queen Hatshepsut of Egypt.

"I gave a hooker a hug. Gimme a break."



Andrew at the Old China Hand in Wan Chai, Sunday Night.

"Say hi to Collin..."
"Hi, Mr. Dangerous...Mr. Dangerous...Mr. Dangerous...Mr. Dangerous...Mr. Dangerous...Mr. Dangerous...Mr. Dangerous...Mr. Dangerous...Mr. Dangerous..."



-- Alex Wood introducing me to his first grade Hong Kong students.

"The Adobe Updater must update itself before it can check for updates. Would you like to update the Adobe Updater now?"


-- Warning message that poppped up on my desktop today after trying to install Photoshop.

"I just said, 'Hah!' That's it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't."




-- Alex Rodriguez said this after what many call a "bush league" play after Alex distracted Blue Jays third baseman Howie Clark from an easy fly ball that would have ended the inning and kept the Blue Jays in the game. The Yankees went on to score three more runs that inning and locked down the win.

"A 'player hater' is kind of like......a scallywag."


-- Chris Regester attempting to translate American English for one of his British compatriots.

Bill Richardson: "If I weren't running for President, and the Associated Press asked me, I'd play center field for the New Yor-- I wanted to be #7...but I still love the Red Sox as a team...This is the thing about me Tim, I can bring people together. I can unify them."

Tim Russert: "Yankee fans and Red Sox fans?"

Bill: "Yes."

Tim Russert: "Not a chance."

Bill: "Well, I bet you I can."




-- Gov. Bill Richardson from New Mexico said this on Meet the Press with Tim Russert. He will forever be referred to by sports fans and non-sports fans across the globe as a moron.

Collin: "Wi-Fi? Why Not?"

Alex: "(nauseous moan)"

"Does it taste like chicken or something delicious?"



-- Said by IT expert Chris Swisher questioning the taste of rendered chicken fat over chicken proper.

"I know alot of backroads that have some dog fighting if you wanna go see it"


-- Redskins running back Clinton Portis in support of allegations against Falcons QB Mike Vick for housing dogs on his estate for dog fighting. Portis was telling the reporter basically it's no bid deal...and in Mississippi, where he grew up, it happens all the time.
...of course, it's a felony. Morons.

"Did you mean He Invented?"


-- What google would return if you typed in "She invented" as of yesterday.

"Two Eskimos in a kayak could take Plum Island."

--a worker at Plum Island in regards to the safety the island employs in protecting its animal disease control center that has been under scrutiny since after WWII.